Do You Trust Yourself?
How could 4 words and 5 syllables impact my life more than I could have ever imagined?
They did!
And in a big way.
Do You Trust Yourself?
At first, it was just a simple, idle thought… a slight rumble above the routine static in my mind.
Then it morphed. Suddenly!
Into something different.
Something more!
It became loud and repetitive. It became perseverative.
The question demanded my attention.
It demanded an answer.
An answer from just one person.
Me!
Do you trust yourself?
Until those 4 words and 5 syllables took command of my mental chatter, my mind had been quietly, almost instinctively, focusing on other things.
Until then I was on autopilot.
Like driving a car and arriving at a destination….unconsciously!
Without clearly observing or remembering the stops, starts, turns, and changes of direction that are encountered along the way.
Without having to think about what I was doing.
Without having to think about where I was going
There can be no doubt that running on autopilot has its benefits.It conserves time.
Minimizes distractions.
And economizes mental energy by nullifying the internal dialogue required to make conscious decisions.
Autopilot doesn’t require thought.
It’s about conditioning and habit. It’s about mastery arising from something routinely performed.
It functions to get us to a place of familiarity as quickly and seamlessly as possible.
Not necessarily a bad thing….
Unless and until it is!
Unless the familiar place that the autopilot is designed to take us…
.. is not where we want to go.
With relentless torment, those 4 words and 5 syllables continued to ping my brain.
But they were also pinging something more. Something of greater importance.
My heart..
My soul..
My concept of who I am and the role that I want to play in the remaining time that I have.
Do you trust yourself?
It was asked of me about a week ago by someone I trust completely.
At the time, and on the spot, the answer was YES.
But now… I am wondering….
Was I honest with the person who asked it?
Was I honest with myself when it was first answered?
This caused me to pause.
To stop what I was doing and, at least temporarily, suspend the autopilot.
Something funny about questions……at least for me.
Rather than resulting in an answer they often give birth to new questions.
That is exactly what happened.
At that moment, I knew that the only way that I could honestly answer that question.
The only way that I could be up-front and congruent was to….
….ask myself a few more questions. Here they are:
What do you want to do with the rest of your life?
My answer to this, without a doubt, is to inspire others through writing and speaking in a genuine way.
Is your current focus, are your current actions, consistent with your desires or goals?
My answer to this, without a doubt, was also clear. …a GREAT BIG NO!
Then why in the fuck are you doing things that are NOT consistent with your desires and goals?
The answer to this was hard to face. It is/was because of FEAR..
The fear of:
—Not finding an audience who connects with my messages
—Not being talented enough to craft my thoughts into words that resonate
—Leaving a career that had, at one time served me and my family well, and being unable to provide a lifestyle that I had once provided.
The truthful answer now became crystal clear.
I DIDN’T TRUST MYSELF.
Rather, I chose to avoid the risk of accepting and pursuing a new challenge and allowed my personal autopilot to draw me back to the familiar.
So, I decided to ask myself two more questions….
“Is this the way you would have it?” and.. “If not, are your current choices going to get you where you want to go??”
It was then I KNEW that:
—I wanted to live in a way that exhibited trust in myself.
—I wanted to find out if I have what it takes to write and speak inspirationally.
—I would rather fail in this new pursuit by giving it all that I have than exist and get by in a perpetual state of “what if?”
I knew that, to be honest with myself. To show trust in myself.. my actions needed to be congruent with my dreams.
I knew that a change was needed.
So… I decided to change!
rdf-10