today could be my last day..
yours too.
as i sit down to write this, i’m 66 ½ years old (as if a half year matters)
i have no clue about how many “ticks” i have left.
do you?
2 days ago, i got a call from a close friend who came about as close to dying as a person can come.
this friend, who is about 10 years younger than me, called to tell me that he had just had a cardiac stent put in, for symptoms he had been ignoring, but had become more frequent and noticeably worse.
the stent was put in place to correct an almost complete blockage of the left anterior descending coronary artery, an affliction, that with good reason, is called the “widowmaker.”
almost 3 years ago i had the good fortune to reconnect, in person, with a former basketball teammate and one of nicest guys and best friends, that anyone could ever hope for.
he was 63 at the time, looked great, and had remained active in weightlifting, aerobic conditioning, and basketball. (a game that he still loved and competed in)
we spoke regularly on the phone until we didn’t.
that’s because we couldn’t.
he died suddenly.
just like that, in an instant, with no warning or chance for correction, the “widowmaker” claimed another victim.
this was the first time that i had ever lost a friend from my younger years who was so close to me and with whom i remained connected.
those of you who may have experienced this know how painful it is and how helpless it can leave you feeling.
you also know how it brings us face to face with our mortality and the precarious uncertainty of our existence.
my friend’s recent call brought back the pain, sorrow, and sense of loss that I had experienced a few years earlier.
it also brought back my fear.
the fear of losing another person so close to me.
the fear of not knowing when my last “tick” will occur, but even more so, wondering if i will have made the moments before that “tick” count.
some of you may think similarly, some not. we are all different.
but I would be willing to bet that most of us, in our own way, want to know that we left no unfinished business behind.
that we left nothing unsaid that needed to be said.
that we left no important dreams or desires unattended to.
that we left no apologies or reconciliations of relationships dangling in thin air.
the “lifestyle gurus” who are there to ostensibly help us gain clarity on our lives often suggest that we ask ourselves, “what would you do if you knew you only had a year to live?”
that question may help you gain the clarity you need but it doesn’t work for me.
here’s why..
i have no clue if i will have a year.
it gives me an opportunity to procrastinate on something that i should be doing now.
it can cause my thinking to be too grandiose and lead me astray where i miss those critically important, but less swanky, things that are staring me right in the face.
so… if I have 24 hours before my clock hits zero, here’s what I hope would happen.
--i would grow, as a person, friend, husband, and father.
--i would be engaged in some form of creativity.
--i would read or view something that inspires me.
--i would help someone who, for whatever reason, is unable to help themselves.
--i would work out
--i would compete in some type of athletic event (and hopefully won)
--i would have a beer and a laugh with a friend.
--i would share a moment of intimacy and laughter with my wife. (and probably also a beer because she likes it as well)
--i would speak to my sons, grandson, sister, and mother
--i would close my eyes without any sense of anger or resentment
it is my intent to think about these things and use them as my personal yardstick for measuring a successful day.
i know they are not elaborate
i know they are not fanciful.
i know they are not exciting.
but I know that most, if not all, of them are things that will likely present themselves in the moments that I am gifted with each day.
i also know that this moment is the only guarantee that i have, and it is my choice of how to handle it.
so….. what’s on your list?
rdf-10